So, here is to my first proper 'blog' post. I have not got a clue what I am going to attempt to fill this little box with, so this will either be horrifically boring, or inspire some other type of less than positive emotion. I do hope that the whole experience is not to traumatic or mundane, and if I dare to aspire so highly, I hope that it opens your eyes to what it is like to spend a day living in my world.
I will start with saying that I am blessed, in so many ways. I have family who love and support me, friends who never fail to surprise me with their compassion and constant loyalty and a life which for all its trials (and trust me there have been many) has never thrown at me more than I can handle. Every negative experience has at some point in time taught me a lesson, developed my personality or made me a better person, and for that reason I would never change any aspect of my life.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. If after reading this you decide to visit my page again, you will soon learn that this is not an irregular occurrence, and so I decided to find something to read. I reached for a book called 'Drops Like Stars' by Rob Bell, in this book, on the final pages, Bell speaks of an experience he had whilst sitting with his nephew. It was raining outside, and his nephew was sitting at the window watching the droplets hit the ground, whilst saying 'Stars, stars, stars' over and over again. Bell, in confusion asks his sister why he is saying this, and she replies by saying he thinks that when rain hits the ground, for a split second, the drops look like stars. What a beautiful way to see the rain, what a beautiful way too see suffering - always looking for the good, no matter how hard that good may be to find.
Now as you can imagine, reading a book which inspired such profound thoughts, was not the best way to induce a relaxing slumber, and so I began today feeling rather worn down. Be that as it may, I had already made plans to spend the day with a friend, and I was not about to cancel those plans due to lack of sleep. Thankfully, I am one of those people who in heightened states of tiredness, somehow manages to transform a lack of energy into an abundance of it, and for the morning I bounced around the 'January Sales' purely on this convenient surge of energy. My friend, much to her amusement, witnessed my excitement in Cath Kidson, when I discovered the bag I have been longing for in the sale and my delight at the sheer amount of clothes which had been reduced in Next.
By lunch time however I was, as I call it 'flagging', desperate for food, rest and the opportunity to attempt to neb my lungs into submission, which thanks to a rather large, pre-emptive dose of steroids, did not take long. I also, for the first time, was able to use my silent nebuliser whilst out, thanks to my friend buying me a battery for it, in fact thanks is not enough to express how much I appreciate that gift. Its moments like that, that make me realise how different my life is to that of others my age, despite the fact that for me, this is normality. It forced me to realise that a girl, sitting in a restaurant with a neb on the go and a half a pharmacy in her bag, is not normal. However, I am happy with the cards I have been dealt and I am blessed with a life worth living - even if I spend a lot of that life sick, there are people out there who live with less.
To say that the afternoon was a struggle, would be a massive understatement, I was half tempted to just lay on the floor and refuse to take another step. Though, much to what i am sure would be my friends relief I did not attempt to humiliate her in such a way. Though if I know her as well as I think I do, chances are she would have joined me on the floor and stared evilly at any passer-bys who looked at us less than favourably! After another hour or so of shopping we reached, which i'm sure my friend would not mind me saying, her Mecca - Krispy Kreme which offered an abundance of sugar, chairs and lemonade, what more can a girl want? Well, perhaps editing out the part where, thanks to my shaking, I dropped a whole cup of lemonade on the floor? Yes, a girl certainly can want that.
The rest of the afternoon did not consist of any events which I would class as substantially noteworthy, the journey home featured a nice back-to-back neb session, the standard insults and banter that occur when I spend any time with my friend and a quick pit stop at my local supermarket. I am pleased to say that I am currently sitting on my bed, with a large drink, a neb on the go and having a much earned rest, my only task for tonight will be to get my sats above ninety! Thankfully, I have no plans for tomorrow either, meaning that the revenge my lungs are bound to inflict upon me, will not effect my day too significantly.
This is where I will leave my aimless scribbling for today, congratulations if you have made it this far, you deserve a medal of recognition. I aim to write here again soon, and I hope you will come back and find out more of what it is like to live in my shoes.
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