This blog comes direct to you from the best hotel in the world. I can safely say that the room service is impeccable, the staff overly helpful and the food, well. Jamie Oliver eat your heart out! What hotel is this you may ask? It's ran by a company that i like to call the NHS.
Yes, sadly I have been kidnapped again, just in time for new year - this is going to be joyous isn't it!? Thankfully the nurses are all really nice, and I was just visited by the most hilarious ICU consultant ever. You should have heard her talking about heliox, some people pay to listen to something that funny! I also like her because she didn't kidnap me right away, but said I could stay here for an hour or so and see how I go.
Anyway, I'm gonna sign off now. Getting fed up of trying to type and navigate my iv's, O2 and heart monitor at the same time! Thanks for reading! Over and out!
Thursday 29 December 2011
Wednesday 28 December 2011
Wide awake, yet half asleep.
If you have read what I wrote on this blog, just yesterday, you will probably not be surprised that I am blogging at 2am. To be perfectly honest the fact that I can string together a somewhat coherent sentence, despite my current state of exhaustion astounds me. Sadly my plans to get a good nights sleep were foiled, once again, by my rather unruly set of lungs.
So, I am currently in bed, wide awake, thanks to the abundance of prednisolone and salbutamol it has taken to get my sats to a acceptable level. Yet, at the same time I am exhausted, my muscles are cramping and aching, my chest feels like it is being crushed and just attempting to roll over is going to expel more energy than I currently have.
How is it possible to wide awake, and yet half asleep? I don't know. What I do know however is that if I don't get some rest soon, and a good nights sleep my appointment tomorrow is going to end in an admission.
Though, I really shouldn't complain. I have a warm bed, good medication and a life ahead of me, which is alot more than many others may have.
So, I am currently in bed, wide awake, thanks to the abundance of prednisolone and salbutamol it has taken to get my sats to a acceptable level. Yet, at the same time I am exhausted, my muscles are cramping and aching, my chest feels like it is being crushed and just attempting to roll over is going to expel more energy than I currently have.
How is it possible to wide awake, and yet half asleep? I don't know. What I do know however is that if I don't get some rest soon, and a good nights sleep my appointment tomorrow is going to end in an admission.
Though, I really shouldn't complain. I have a warm bed, good medication and a life ahead of me, which is alot more than many others may have.
Silent neb's, shake's and doughnut humiliation.
So, here is to my first proper 'blog' post. I have not got a clue what I am going to attempt to fill this little box with, so this will either be horrifically boring, or inspire some other type of less than positive emotion. I do hope that the whole experience is not to traumatic or mundane, and if I dare to aspire so highly, I hope that it opens your eyes to what it is like to spend a day living in my world.
I will start with saying that I am blessed, in so many ways. I have family who love and support me, friends who never fail to surprise me with their compassion and constant loyalty and a life which for all its trials (and trust me there have been many) has never thrown at me more than I can handle. Every negative experience has at some point in time taught me a lesson, developed my personality or made me a better person, and for that reason I would never change any aspect of my life.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. If after reading this you decide to visit my page again, you will soon learn that this is not an irregular occurrence, and so I decided to find something to read. I reached for a book called 'Drops Like Stars' by Rob Bell, in this book, on the final pages, Bell speaks of an experience he had whilst sitting with his nephew. It was raining outside, and his nephew was sitting at the window watching the droplets hit the ground, whilst saying 'Stars, stars, stars' over and over again. Bell, in confusion asks his sister why he is saying this, and she replies by saying he thinks that when rain hits the ground, for a split second, the drops look like stars. What a beautiful way to see the rain, what a beautiful way too see suffering - always looking for the good, no matter how hard that good may be to find.
Now as you can imagine, reading a book which inspired such profound thoughts, was not the best way to induce a relaxing slumber, and so I began today feeling rather worn down. Be that as it may, I had already made plans to spend the day with a friend, and I was not about to cancel those plans due to lack of sleep. Thankfully, I am one of those people who in heightened states of tiredness, somehow manages to transform a lack of energy into an abundance of it, and for the morning I bounced around the 'January Sales' purely on this convenient surge of energy. My friend, much to her amusement, witnessed my excitement in Cath Kidson, when I discovered the bag I have been longing for in the sale and my delight at the sheer amount of clothes which had been reduced in Next.
By lunch time however I was, as I call it 'flagging', desperate for food, rest and the opportunity to attempt to neb my lungs into submission, which thanks to a rather large, pre-emptive dose of steroids, did not take long. I also, for the first time, was able to use my silent nebuliser whilst out, thanks to my friend buying me a battery for it, in fact thanks is not enough to express how much I appreciate that gift. Its moments like that, that make me realise how different my life is to that of others my age, despite the fact that for me, this is normality. It forced me to realise that a girl, sitting in a restaurant with a neb on the go and a half a pharmacy in her bag, is not normal. However, I am happy with the cards I have been dealt and I am blessed with a life worth living - even if I spend a lot of that life sick, there are people out there who live with less.
To say that the afternoon was a struggle, would be a massive understatement, I was half tempted to just lay on the floor and refuse to take another step. Though, much to what i am sure would be my friends relief I did not attempt to humiliate her in such a way. Though if I know her as well as I think I do, chances are she would have joined me on the floor and stared evilly at any passer-bys who looked at us less than favourably! After another hour or so of shopping we reached, which i'm sure my friend would not mind me saying, her Mecca - Krispy Kreme which offered an abundance of sugar, chairs and lemonade, what more can a girl want? Well, perhaps editing out the part where, thanks to my shaking, I dropped a whole cup of lemonade on the floor? Yes, a girl certainly can want that.
The rest of the afternoon did not consist of any events which I would class as substantially noteworthy, the journey home featured a nice back-to-back neb session, the standard insults and banter that occur when I spend any time with my friend and a quick pit stop at my local supermarket. I am pleased to say that I am currently sitting on my bed, with a large drink, a neb on the go and having a much earned rest, my only task for tonight will be to get my sats above ninety! Thankfully, I have no plans for tomorrow either, meaning that the revenge my lungs are bound to inflict upon me, will not effect my day too significantly.
This is where I will leave my aimless scribbling for today, congratulations if you have made it this far, you deserve a medal of recognition. I aim to write here again soon, and I hope you will come back and find out more of what it is like to live in my shoes.
I will start with saying that I am blessed, in so many ways. I have family who love and support me, friends who never fail to surprise me with their compassion and constant loyalty and a life which for all its trials (and trust me there have been many) has never thrown at me more than I can handle. Every negative experience has at some point in time taught me a lesson, developed my personality or made me a better person, and for that reason I would never change any aspect of my life.
Last night, I couldn't sleep. If after reading this you decide to visit my page again, you will soon learn that this is not an irregular occurrence, and so I decided to find something to read. I reached for a book called 'Drops Like Stars' by Rob Bell, in this book, on the final pages, Bell speaks of an experience he had whilst sitting with his nephew. It was raining outside, and his nephew was sitting at the window watching the droplets hit the ground, whilst saying 'Stars, stars, stars' over and over again. Bell, in confusion asks his sister why he is saying this, and she replies by saying he thinks that when rain hits the ground, for a split second, the drops look like stars. What a beautiful way to see the rain, what a beautiful way too see suffering - always looking for the good, no matter how hard that good may be to find.
Now as you can imagine, reading a book which inspired such profound thoughts, was not the best way to induce a relaxing slumber, and so I began today feeling rather worn down. Be that as it may, I had already made plans to spend the day with a friend, and I was not about to cancel those plans due to lack of sleep. Thankfully, I am one of those people who in heightened states of tiredness, somehow manages to transform a lack of energy into an abundance of it, and for the morning I bounced around the 'January Sales' purely on this convenient surge of energy. My friend, much to her amusement, witnessed my excitement in Cath Kidson, when I discovered the bag I have been longing for in the sale and my delight at the sheer amount of clothes which had been reduced in Next.
By lunch time however I was, as I call it 'flagging', desperate for food, rest and the opportunity to attempt to neb my lungs into submission, which thanks to a rather large, pre-emptive dose of steroids, did not take long. I also, for the first time, was able to use my silent nebuliser whilst out, thanks to my friend buying me a battery for it, in fact thanks is not enough to express how much I appreciate that gift. Its moments like that, that make me realise how different my life is to that of others my age, despite the fact that for me, this is normality. It forced me to realise that a girl, sitting in a restaurant with a neb on the go and a half a pharmacy in her bag, is not normal. However, I am happy with the cards I have been dealt and I am blessed with a life worth living - even if I spend a lot of that life sick, there are people out there who live with less.
To say that the afternoon was a struggle, would be a massive understatement, I was half tempted to just lay on the floor and refuse to take another step. Though, much to what i am sure would be my friends relief I did not attempt to humiliate her in such a way. Though if I know her as well as I think I do, chances are she would have joined me on the floor and stared evilly at any passer-bys who looked at us less than favourably! After another hour or so of shopping we reached, which i'm sure my friend would not mind me saying, her Mecca - Krispy Kreme which offered an abundance of sugar, chairs and lemonade, what more can a girl want? Well, perhaps editing out the part where, thanks to my shaking, I dropped a whole cup of lemonade on the floor? Yes, a girl certainly can want that.
The rest of the afternoon did not consist of any events which I would class as substantially noteworthy, the journey home featured a nice back-to-back neb session, the standard insults and banter that occur when I spend any time with my friend and a quick pit stop at my local supermarket. I am pleased to say that I am currently sitting on my bed, with a large drink, a neb on the go and having a much earned rest, my only task for tonight will be to get my sats above ninety! Thankfully, I have no plans for tomorrow either, meaning that the revenge my lungs are bound to inflict upon me, will not effect my day too significantly.
This is where I will leave my aimless scribbling for today, congratulations if you have made it this far, you deserve a medal of recognition. I aim to write here again soon, and I hope you will come back and find out more of what it is like to live in my shoes.
Tuesday 27 December 2011
Welcome!
I am struggling to know what to write on here! Maybe I should start with some facts about me? I'll aim for 20 - wish me luck!
+ When my mum was giving birth to me, she screamed 'I want to go to Marks and Spencers' repeatedly. She had heard that if you give birth in Marks and Spencers you get given loads of free gifts. Definatly woth giving up the bed for? Yeah, totally...
+ When I was 13 I was named the best musician in my school, not that that means anything now.
+ I will be absolutley devastated when I stop studying RE at school. It is my guilty pleasure.
+ Okay I admit it. I have a secret love for girls aloud. Okay... the secrets out.
+ I really wish that I was a better dancer than I am. Im frightfully mediocre.
+ When I was 13 I was named the best musician in my school, not that that means anything now.
+ I will be absolutley devastated when I stop studying RE at school. It is my guilty pleasure.
+ Okay I admit it. I have a secret love for girls aloud. Okay... the secrets out.
+ I really wish that I was a better dancer than I am. Im frightfully mediocre.
+ I spend alot of my time wondering what my life would be like if I wasn't so unhealthy.
+ Im not as confident and mature as I like to make put. In fact, im frightfully insecure.
+ I blame Harry Potter for dominating my childhood.
+ To me, job satisfaction is coming home at the end of the day - and knowing that you have made a diferance, and that because of your existance you have made someones world a better place.
+ Darren Shan broke my heart.
+ Im discovering the true meaning of faith and religion. I am seeing and feeling god in my life in so many ways. I just wish i had opened my heart and mind to him earlier.
+ My friends mean alot to me. Im not going to sit here and make out that they mean everything, because they dont. I dont really have loads of friends, my social life is somewhat lacking - and if im honest im a fairly solitary person.
+ Im lazy to the point of absolute discust. My own laziness will be my downfull.
+ Music means alot to me, always has, always will. One of my passions is Classical music. One of my other passions is rock. Who ever said the two cant be coupled together was talking out of their bottom.
+ I spent so long wishing my school years away, and now that they are over, I wish that i could turn back the clock and do it all over again. Oh, what changes I would make, what things I would do diferantly. Im looking forwards to the future, its going to be new, exicting, diferant and fresh. Theres going to be new experances around every corner and lessons to learn, but im think im ready for it now. Im going to tackle them head on, head strong.
+ Im not as confident and mature as I like to make put. In fact, im frightfully insecure.
+ I blame Harry Potter for dominating my childhood.
+ To me, job satisfaction is coming home at the end of the day - and knowing that you have made a diferance, and that because of your existance you have made someones world a better place.
+ Darren Shan broke my heart.
+ Im discovering the true meaning of faith and religion. I am seeing and feeling god in my life in so many ways. I just wish i had opened my heart and mind to him earlier.
+ My friends mean alot to me. Im not going to sit here and make out that they mean everything, because they dont. I dont really have loads of friends, my social life is somewhat lacking - and if im honest im a fairly solitary person.
+ Im lazy to the point of absolute discust. My own laziness will be my downfull.
+ Music means alot to me, always has, always will. One of my passions is Classical music. One of my other passions is rock. Who ever said the two cant be coupled together was talking out of their bottom.
+ I spent so long wishing my school years away, and now that they are over, I wish that i could turn back the clock and do it all over again. Oh, what changes I would make, what things I would do diferantly. Im looking forwards to the future, its going to be new, exicting, diferant and fresh. Theres going to be new experances around every corner and lessons to learn, but im think im ready for it now. Im going to tackle them head on, head strong.
+ I spend alot of my time wondering, asking myself what if I get ill again? What if I cant cope with going to uni? What if I decide that its just not worth all of the stress and slip back into my familiar, comforting routine of controlling my life by controlling food?
+ I play too many instruments for my own good, its getting stupidly expensive!
+ Okay - I admit it - I'm a batty cat lady!
Okay... that wasn't quite 20. I got bored, sorry guys!
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